Winner - Humorous Section - 2017 Australian Written Bush Poetry Championships

This poem is a tongue-in-cheek look at the modern phenomenon of online selling sites, particularly those that are social-media and community based. It is based on actual advertisements that I have read, and is very definitely a "play on words".

© Shelley Hansen 2017

Our region has a Facebook page – they call it BUY-SWAP-SELL.
There's twenty thousand members now! It isn't hard to tell
how much its popularity has grown, for this is where
it's easy to engage in trade – and never leave your chair!

Forget about the Op Shop! There are bargain clothes galore -
just scroll the mouse and click to find what you've been looking for.
There's pink and punk and retro – any style you care to choose!
Type SOLD and you will soon be shod in someone else's shoes!

There's furniture and footy boots, there's cars and doggy coats
which you might swap for something else like bric-a-brac, or boats!
Some sell their goods to downsize, others buy to build their homes;
while some just seek collectables, like first-edition tomes.

This throw-away society gets rid of stuff so fast;
it isn't like in grandma's day, when things were built to last!
It's easy to discard the old for new, you must agree –
just write a story, snap a pic – and post for all to see!

You'll soon be getting messages with offers to inspect
or asking for arrangements to make payment and collect.
So auntie's bookcase soon becomes another person's joy
while you in turn replace it with an electronic toy!

Some folk adopt a fervent zeal that borders on devout
in hopes of finding something that they just can't live without!
The hapless seller, deluged by their texting, suffers stress
to find replies expected in two minutes, even less!

Another aspect, I admit, that often makes me grin
keeps sending me to scan the daily adverts that come in.
Some sellers are creative, others say things as they are,
while some compose a narrative that borders on bizarre!

But sad to say, their sense of spelling sometimes lets them down.
You'll want to heed the message of a once-warn wedding gown!
An iPad that is bearly used might suit another paw,
a message chair might speak while it is soothing what is sore.

The tin has wether-proofing – that's to keep away the sheep –
a duel-cab ute might make you think you should have bought a Jeep!
There's miner ware on covers of an engineering book,
and carpet for the stare might need a closer second look!

There's chests of draws aplenty if you have artistic flair,
while reel good tapes and records are becoming rather rare.
Some person has announced that there's a local butcher store
that's selling lion chops – which may be eaten cooked or roar!

The wardrobe of a bedroom suit might house your dinner suite,
a post whole digger's what you need to make your life complete!
A tennis caught instruction book will capture what to learn,
and resale might bring profit if you buy that Grecian earn.

I found a wiper-sniper but I'm not entirely sure
if it's designed for windscreens or an implement of war.
The penalty for silence, I suspect, involves a shroud
when someone states, "Delete me if my post is not aloud".

It's going cheep (like chickens), so you'd best be on the ball.
But is it trash or treasure? Do you need this stuff at all?
No doubt we could debate all day – but now I have to dash
and view the latest posts – because they might take less for cash!!

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