Shelley Hansen - Lady of Lines

Ginger Mick's Business Venture

3rd Prize - Themed Section "Poem Inspired by a News Item" - 2014 CJ Dennis Toolangi Written Poetry Competition.

For a number of years CJ Dennis was employed by Melbourne newspapers to write a daily poem, commenting on a current news item. He would receive the papers and have one day to choose a news item and pen a poem in response - to be published the following day. Quite a challenge!

The 2014 CJ Dennis written poetry competition invited entrants to follow in "Den's" footsteps by choosing a recent news item and writing an appropriate poem about it. I chose a humorous item from our local newspaper "The Fraser Coast Chronicle", published on 20 August 2014, as follows:

A long-time lover of Arnott's Pizza Shapes is selling a conjoined biscuit online. The local resident said that while he had been eating Pizza Shapes for more than 15 years, he had never come across a double. He said the item is a must for collectors and is being offered for $20 which includes the empty box for authenticity.

This set me wondering about how Ginger Mick, the enterprising best mate of Bill (The Sentimental Bloke) would approach such a venture. Bill takes up the story ...

Ginger Mick's Business Venture
(c) Shelley Hansen 2014

Me cobber Ginger Mick, 'e sez, "I'm 'ere ter tell yeh, Kid
I've figgered out a bonzer way ter make a bloke a quid –
I've read about some dilly cove oo's sellin' Arnott's Shapes
fer money on the Internet." I looks at 'im an' gapes!

Now Ginger Mick's a spieler an' I gits the wind up, see.
It ain't no wonder – wot 'e spouts 'as fairly flummoxed me.
"Fergit about the biskits – go an' arst yer Doreen's Mar
ter bake a batch o' scones – 'cors that's a better lark by far."

'E's got me beat. "A batch o' scones? 'Struf Mick, yeh feel orright?"
Sez Mick, "Don't drop yer bundle or I'll stoush yeh, right an' tight –
Come wiv me inter partnership! Jist git them scones – don't fail!
We'll put 'em up on eBay an' we'll orkshun 'em fer sale.

We'll call 'em "Possum Knockers" 'cors they're 'arder than a rock
I 'ad one once - me teeth still ain't recovered from the shock!"
Sez I, "Strike, Mick, yer dreamin' if yeh think I'm droppin' by
an' tellin' Mar this story - bli'me! I don't want ter die!

Oh 'ell! She'll call me "Willy", an' she'll weep an' talk o' Par
an' say 'ow pore Doreen 'as been "rejuiced" ter sink this far."
"Yeh barmy coot," sez Mick, "don't go an' spruik the whole thing throo –
jist ooze the charm an' praise 'er up - Bill! You know wot ter do!"

I slinks back 'ome wiv Mick's perswayshuns ringin' in me ears.
It ain't no matter wot I do, it's goin' ter end in tears.
Then Doreen sees me sheepish grin – she picks it frum a mile – "
'Ave you been out wiv Ginger Mick? I sees it on yer dile!"

Now 'ere I am outside Mar's gate! Me knees is knockin' bad
I'm 'ardly game ter show me phiz, an' Doreen will be mad
if she gits wind uv Ginger's plan. I'm up the pole, becors
she'll do 'er block ... unless ... we makes a forchin. 'Oly wars!

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