Shelley Hansen - Lady of Lines

Macca and the Possum

Highly Commended - Humorous Section - 2012 Snowy Mountains Muster Written Poetry Competition

Wherever you live in Australia, chances are you've experienced the noctural adventures of a possum on your roof.

If you've had that dubious pleasure, I'm sure you'll sympathise with this poor bloke, who discovered that eviction of one such mischievous intruder was more difficult than he imagined!

Macca and the Possum
(c) Shelley Hansen 2012

Our hero (known as "Macca") - in the middle of the night -
when honest country folk would be asleep,
woke up to hear a scamper down the chimney, and two bright
and beady eyes across the hearth did peep!

Now ordinary mortals would have quickly come unstuck
but Macca faced the test with unconcern.
He marshalled up the wife - for he was full of game and pluck -
his plan for capture was both brave and firm ...

"Now, Missus - you just stand there in the doorway - yes, that's right,
I'll chase it down - but watch out for its teeth!"
But all was unavailing, as the possum in its fright
aimed for her legs, and scurried through beneath!

From room to room it scampered as it held them both at bay -
leapt over kitchen benches, high and wide.
Said Macca to the Missus, "Quick! Don't let it get away!
We're done for if it finds somewhere to hide!"

They caught it in the bathtub, where it skidded left and right,
the Missus pounced, emerging to present
a little face in fluffy towel, wrapped up secure and tight -
so to the bush way out the back it went!

But it returned to haunt them, and again the wee small hours
saw Macca perched - this time upon a rail -
precariously balanced, hanging on with all his powers
to awning roof ... and to a possum's tail!

The possum leapt to freedom, nimbly landing on its feet,
ran through the garden bed and crossed the lawn,
which roused the neighbour's labrador, who, barking up a treat,
woke half the district ... long before the dawn!

The next night it returned and did a tango like a goat
above the bedroom, loud and fancy-free ...
while rustling up a cat trap Macca muttered (and I quote),
"I'll teach the blighter! He won't laugh at me!"

At 3 a.m. a springing clang proclaimed the possum's doom,
and Macca, more enthused than he was wise,
began to climb the ladder in the drizzle and the gloom
and crept across the roof to claim his prize ...

Alas! The rungs were greasy and his dangerous descent
was doomed to spell disaster in his haste -
and Macca/ladder/possum tangled up as down they went ...
another Kodak Moment gone to waste!

He gathered up the cage and put the possum in the car,
and drove for forty miles along the track -
and now that possum's dancing on another roof, so far
away that it is never coming back!

But though the night was filled with clanging trap, and ladder fall,
and revving up the engine for a run,
to his disgust the Missus calmly slept on through it all ...
and never heard a thing - till morning sun!

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